if

by wiggly jones, "the little hippie boy"

if my cat was a space ship i would get in her and fly to mars if donald trump was a chicken salad sandwich i would take him to the park and eat him with a bag of chips and an orange nehi if it stops raining and the sun comes out it will be a nice day if i was a hammer i would smile at a nail if i had a hammer i would go on amazon and buy a book, 1000 things to do with a hammer if the governor of oregon was a tennis ball, he might get left out in the rain if everybody had all the answers what fun would that be? if the street i am walking down was a bowl of strawberry jello my progress would be slow if everybody was nice wouldn’t that be nice? if everybody lived for a million years they might sing a happy song - at least once in a while if bob was my uncle i would send him a card every christmas if betty was my aunt i would tell her i liked her peanut butter brownies even if i really didn’t if sally was my sister i would applaud her efforts on behalf of women and other neglected creatures if chuck was my wagon i would ask cookie for extra syrup on my flapjacks if i could meet just one person who had ever lived it would be marcia ferguson, a mother of fifteen who lived in mecklenburg ohio back in the day if i could go back in time to see just one event it would be fireman ken wilson getting pearl mason’s cat jenny out of the big elm tree in front of city hall in sparta nebraska on july 9, 1954 if everything that ever happened happened all at once how do you know it isn’t? if i told you the secrets of the universe would you believe me? if you give me $10,000 - that is not much these days - i will be your friend

sunny afternoon

by corinne delmonico

laura had had a long day many of the children had lost the little red buddha dolls they had been given when they arrived in the morning the ice cream had run out unexpectedly but there were way too many hot dogs! would the catering company take them back? was it even worth trying? the president had still not shown up and neither had the ecuadorian ambassador it was obvious they were not coming at all how tired laura was of not being taken seriously! of everything! dr marlowe was still smiling beside the fountain what did he care if the children ran wild? laura had not spoken to edna all day but suddenly there was pamela coming across the lawn with two broken badminton racquets in her hand as the sun was setting behind the long green hedges and pamela cried, oh laura, we are all such silly girls!

sandwich

i was walking because i wanted a sandwich not an apple or an orange or a soft drink but a sandwich i kept on walking block after block even though i knew i had to get back to the conference the blocks were long and filled with people people different from me wearing white t shirts and wifebeaters and speaking a different language they were not hostile they just ignored me it was getting dark there were stores that sold fruit and vegetables and scratch cards and coke and moxie and fanta but no sandwiches i wanted a sandwich there were no cafes or sub shops one little place had books tom swift and hardy boy books but no sandwiches if i kept on walking i would end up in yonkers or in albany i wanted a sandwich so bad but i had to get back to the conference before it got completely dark l am so unhappy nobody likes me this is the story of my life life is so unfair i told this dream to nellie and she said “why didn’t you just go into one of the little stores and ask them to make you a sandwich?”

why do you eat the same ice cream every day with the same chocolate sauce?

by corinne delmonico

where are you going, little human why do you walk so slow? heaven is smiling above you and hell is smiling below why do you look so sad, little friend turn that frown upside down the clowns have been subpoenaed and the snake charmer run out of town you are going back to the old dark house to read grandmother’s will uncle john has become a penguin and cousin brenda can not sit still they buried the butler in the gazebo when he started seeing ghosts cousin buddha is sleeping in the basement uncle satan still loves you the most every day is another day the wallpaper has turned pink the silver could use a little polish don’t you think? the lawyers play blackjack with the upstairs maids the cousins and uncles are the stakes the paintings on the walls are authentic but the newspapers are all fakes

an announcement

by corinne delmonico

brenda was concerned about the destruction to the environment and decided to be proactive johnny knew the leader of the centrist party and laura determined to confront him in the garden the gardener had been a violin teacher in another time and place he did not resent laura or brenda or johnny in fact he felt rather sorry for them when the leader of the centrist party was due to arrive an announcement was made to the assembled guests but a helicopter flew overhead and laura’s little dog ran across the lawn the gardener was quite fond of the dog and effectively silenced the murmuring crowd restless as it was restless as it always is in such situations look here, johnny admonished laura these things have a way of working themselves out

the lady upstairs has been taking a shower for five hours

by nick nelson

i could describe the good old days with precision and with charm but i have a problem nobody gives a good gosh darn i don’t know why they should the world has spun many times gods and peasants come and go no one remembers their crimes or remembers their heroic deeds or if they ever existed i didn’t want to write this poem but you insisted what was that? i must have misunderstood then i leave you with this thought - people are bad, they should be good outside the sun is shining but some think it might rain tomorrow is another day shall we meet again?

a prophet

by wiggly jones, "the little hippie boy"

if nobody likes you there is not much you can do except sit in your room and feel blue you can plot to destroy the world or bring a message of eternal love the universe laughs behind you waiting to give you a shove my time was up a long time ago now i sit on the sidewalk and watch the gutter flow i used to see lots of cigarette butts sometimes cigar butts too but the world is always changing i know that this is true someday humans will disappear and the dinosaurs return in the meantime, my dear friend we can but live and learn